The long waits. Those blank stares into the void. My expectations, my disappointments. Checking the phone for your replies. My calls that remained unanswered. The fights with my angst and arguments with my head. Each time you fed me with lies, I convinced myself for that being your last. The expanse of my emotions inadequate for you. My tears were true but not your stories. My loneliness, even in your company. Your impudence motivated by my silence. I was nothing more than the smoke of your drag.
I was left stranded in the middle of the sea. I feared drowning.
Misty-eyed scuffles. Splintered dreams. Left out in obscurity, the existence of my being. Smiles dissipated into the wickedness of midnight. You slept sound, I befriended insomnia. Hope disappeared in fragments. I fought for you, you fought with me. You tossed love with conditions in your favor. My love for you remained unconditional. You desired affluence and I had none to offer. I was blamed of indifference. Where were you when I needed you? Wasn’t that indifference? And wasn’t that indifference when you remained wordless on the day I begged you to stay?
I stood crying under the rain while you simply walked away. I feared moving.
I feared drowning and moving ahead. I learned steadily to swim. I am cautious, my feelings guarded. My wounds cracked open, raw and vulnerable. My heart cold like marble, bloodless and pale. I wander lone in the vale. Flinch from laughing, for it might lead the tears to trickle. I remain wary of honey-dipped nothings and no more dream of the autumn holidays. I cut all ties, of revenge and forgiveness. I am no longer the moored boat. I decide to stay stoic.
I am not scared of love neither do I despise. But, I merely gave up on love.
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