“I Am A Bisexual Turned Gay”…
….confessed Piyush (name changed) with a hint of hesitation and continued, “That’s my biggest secret and I have set down my entire trust in you”. I had read his answers earlier but wanted to speak with him face to face. That’s when I called him to check if he was available for a dinner meeting. And here I was, digging into his heart’s secrets to know more about the friend I respected and admired dearly.
I wasn’t surprised by his confession. I did have an inkling about it for sometime now. It was after high school that Piyush had become conscious of his sexuality. However, the decision to remain a gay was made after the failure of his relationship with his girlfriend. What was his reason behind that resolve? “I wanted to be faithful to any one gender and I made my choice” replied Piyush promptly. He added, “However, I do not treat this part of me as the centre of my universe. I have many greater purposes in my life to concentrate upon and to be associated with”.
I let him speak since he was more open and comfortable by now. What follows is Piyush’s story as told by him –
There is a huge difference between the person he was a decade ago and the person he is today. He is more social, confident, happy, extrovert and most importantly- satisfied. Failure in many aspects of life triggered all positive changes in Piyush. As the saying goes – Failure is the stepping stone to success- his journey is consonant with it. He is living the life that he had wished for but at the same time, had his own share of struggles. In this process, he did break many prejudices but thankfully, had the support of his family.
Is the family aware of his orientation? No. But he intends to reveal it to them someday and is hopeful of them buoying him up. Who would be the first person in the family that he wishes to reveal his status? The answer comes effortlessly – “My mom. She understands me much better. I trust she would take the whammy with a more positive mindset. But I aim to remain quiet as long as I can”
Childhood was very much akin to any other average middle class family. Being the only child, he grew up as a shy and introvert kid. Got beaten by the stricter father and found all his demands to be fulfilled by grandparents. Most of the love and care came from mom, with whom, he is the closest. But grandparents had a greater influence on him.
Does he fear anything? Losing anyone close to heart is his biggest fear. Having already lost few friends to his anger, he has mellowed down to a greater extent. He is now much more careful while pointing out mistakes or dealing with difference in opinions among friends. He also fears drowning though he denies having extreme aquaphobia.
What about life and the baggage of emotions it comes with? He has always wanted his life to be king-size, however, there is a strong urge to give back to the society synchronously. We have but one life and it should be lived with a purpose. Our life should be exemplary such that we are remembered for all positiveness left behind after we die.
When it comes to emotions, Piyush’s thoughts concur with every one of us. Love, for him is the strongest and the most important of all emotions but he sort of prefers to stay away from it. “It has already hurt me the most and I have become aloof of this emotion. I try to find happiness in minimalism. The lesser we expect, the merrier we are. Also, we need to keep a check on pride, ego and jealousy ‘cz they are lost affairs. Nevertheless, when handled carefully, we can turn them into most powerful impulse towards positive growth” – Chuckles Piyush.
So how is he fulfilling his wish of giving back to the society? He has been working on education of underprivileged children and providing help for senior citizens at old age homes since the past 6 years. These issues are close to his heart. “I have teamed up with few of my friends and started a scholarship program for economically backward but bright children from my school back in our hometown.” – He says beaming with contentment. They have sponsored 11 scholarships in 2016 which is the highest number till date. The scholarships are mostly for children who are either orphans or the ones belonging to economically backward classes. He also visits old age homes and makes arrangements for requisite provisions within his capacity.
What about getting married someday? Maybe? That is something he despises. He arbitrarily disbelieves in the institution of marriage. With absolute forthrightness he explains – “It is not necessary to get married. If two people are in love with each other and decide to stay committed, they can, even without the bondage of marriage”.
Does he ever wish to talk about his being a homosexual out in open? No. Not being vocal about it is his personal choice. He considers it to be a minor change which doesn’t have space for inessential importance. Also, he would want to avoid any further complications in life since he believes in happy yet simple life. He undoubtedly supports the LGBT rights activities going around in the country at present though and would welcome the decision if Indian government takes the initiative of amending or repealing of Section 377 or even decriminalizing consensual homosexual activities.
The waiter approaches with our check. “This is on me” he declares. We pay the bill and I bid him goodbye, wishing him a safe journey. He was all set for his long vacation up in the Himalayas next day.
His confessions elevated my admiration for him and at the same time left me pondering over innumerable questions.